At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
