that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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