I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
