I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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