Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
