I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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