no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
