i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Randomize
