I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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