I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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