Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You pole danced in your parka.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
