We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
