My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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