Don't you send me to vm
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
