Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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