Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
