And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
