the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
