Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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