Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
