for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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