That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
