Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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