his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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