You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want to fling myself into the sun
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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