I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
