That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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