i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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