I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
