cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
