ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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