I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
