We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it hurts more in the daytime
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
