Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize