come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
