I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
