i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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