I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it wasn't lemon gatorade
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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