And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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