Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
