I can tuck mytits in my pants
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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