Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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