My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
