dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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