we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
