She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
