I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
