see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
