there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
