i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
