wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
