if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
