My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
