the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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