If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
