sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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