me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
