I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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