I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
