3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
