I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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