evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
