i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
