I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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