apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
