Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
