Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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