her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
