I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
