Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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