Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
