Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
