so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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