If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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