whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
