I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
