Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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