Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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