I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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