"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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