It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
