The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
